Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of anorexia, body image issues, eating disorders, and self-harm.
At 9 years old, I first started struggling with body image. This later developed into controlling what I ate and, soon, it spiralled. Four years later, I began self-harming which I hid for some time, until people at my school noticed. They quickly referred me to CAMHS and CEDS (Community Eating Disorder Services).
I grew up doing all kinds of sports and I always loved being active as that kept my mind quiet. At my school, there was this one lady I could relate to in many ways, who most days would have a one-on-one with me. I could tell her my whole story. To this day, she is the only one who knows my full story.
Something I would love for professionals to understand is that young people, especially women, who have trouble regulating their emotions don’t all have personality disorders. We are often slapped with that diagnosis and it can make others reluctant to work with us.
For me, I have physically recovered from my eating disorder, but the thoughts never go away. It’s always there. I want people to remember that just because someone looks fine, it doesn’t mean that they are.
I took a break from studying for a while to really focus on myself and I had to move back in with my mum at 20. It has given me the time to do things I want and keep me busy.
My lived experience with anorexia, cPTSD, and EUPD, has given me the skills and qualities I believe would help me in my future role of becoming a mental health nurse. I now have one more year on university to finish and then I qualify as a registered mental health nurse.
Don’t give up. Although it all feels too heavy right now it won’t be like this forever. “I don’t say hang in because I think it’s easy, I say hang in because I think the world is a better place with you in it.”
-Paige S
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