I first started struggling when I first started high school. During this time, my parents split up. I didn’t get support for it until I was in my last year of high school. My best friend, Ellen, and her mum, Sarah, inspired me to seek support and helped transport me to doctors’ appointments and therapy sessions.
Everyone’s trauma is valid. People are often so quick to say that, ‘such-in-such has had it worse,’ or, ‘there are literally people starving in other countries and that’s so much worse.’ Everything everyone experiences and their pain are all valid ways to feel.
The EVC tool (Emotions, Validation, Conclusion) has really helped me understand my own emotions and triggers, and other people's, too. Also being able to express myself creatively has helped hugely. For me, painting has had the biggest positive impact. To be able to paint the things I feel so deeply, to see the beauty in the pain has helped me be able to process my emotions in a positive way. Also writing poetry and sharing some blog pieces I’ve already written for VoH.
Since choosing recovery, I’ve been able to see the beauty in being borderline. Feeling so deeply isn’t just a curse. I am able to love deeply, feel joy deeply, feel empathy deeply. It isn’t all about the negative emotions. You will have your good days and your bad ones, like the way the tide comes in and out. It’s important to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and let go.
Black-and-white thinking has been a big challenge. What might not seem like a big deal to someone else, can be a massive stressor to me. Struggling to find the in-between and the grey area is a challenge I face in my day-to-day life. However, something that I’m grateful for is that I’ve been able to regulate my emotions much better compared to a year ago. It’s still not perfect but I’m getting better every day.
BPD is one of the hardest and most painful mental disorders people in our community experience. Despite some of the stereotypes, you can get better, you are not abusive or manipulative, and it will get easier the more you work on yourself. This pain will not last forever. Feel what you need to feel. And remember to validate your emotions.
-Jasmine
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