Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, suicidal ideation and suicide.
Depression, the thief of happiness. You have stolen happiness in all aspects of my life. You have stolen my happiness in my relationships, my happiness in my dream job and my happiness in my hobbies. The things that once brought me joy now bring me nothing. I feel empty and hollow yet at the same time I feel overwhelmed by my emotions. Your cruel cloud of darkness surrounds me, it clings to me like a shadow I can’t outrun. What more do I have to do not to feel this way anymore? When will you let me go? Do I not deserve to be free from your infinite torment?
The truth is, anyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or any other mental illness deserves to be free and not bound by their mental illness. Although our brains trick us into believing we are not worthy of freedom and we deserve all the pain that comes with our illness. However, this is not true. We do not deserve to feel this way. Each of us is deserving of happiness, joy and love. We have to keep fighting, we have to stay connected with those we love, we have to seek help. We need to remember that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to go to therapy. It’s okay to see a medical professional. You deserve the very best and you need to start believing that x.
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