How do You Show Yourself Love?

*Thank you to Dominee for allowing us to share this piece. You can see more of her writing here and her website here.*

Earlier this month on Patreon I created an image that says “Give yourself the love that you wish other people would give you.” And there were a few people with the very good question of “How?”. That’s a question that felt very familiar to me because there was a time in my self-love journey when I just didn’t know how to start. It felt really overwhelming. So, how do you show yourself love? Start where you are.

Ask yourself what you need right now and then do that thing. Sometimes it’s such an easy thing to answer: a long bath. Time curled up with a book. Good food and a movie.

And other times, that answer is something bigger and something that we can’t just give ourselves in a matter of days or even weeks. But there’s always a first step that will get us there and we can take it.

Discover your Self-Love Language

Playing off the 5 Love Languages by author Gary Chapman, I came up with the Self-Love Languages. We all feel love in different ways. Some people NEED lots of physical affection, some people need thoughtful gifts, and some people need quality time with no distractions. How we feel loved by other people can also translate into how we show love to ourselves.

Love on Your Inner Child

Another way to show yourself the love you wish other people would have given you is to be kind to your inner child. Think back to what you needed during your childhood. Did you need more time to just have fun and be a kid? Then do those things now.

Did you need a safe space? Create that space in your own life or in your own home.

What kind of person did you need in your life? Take steps toward becoming that person.

Did you need love, acceptance, and support? Give those things to yourself. Change the way you speak to yourself, day by day.

Embrace the weird.

It can feel incredibly weird to take yourself out on dates or to give yourself hugs or be physically affectionate with yourself. Try it out anyway. I wrap my arms around myself and give myself hugs. I give myself neck and foot massages. When I was single I went to the movies by myself. It all felt weird at first but it also changed the relationship I had with myself. It was so worth it. The weird was worth it.