Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of anorexia.
For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with my mental health. Shame and stigma stopped me from asking for help – until I had no choice. Friends and school teachers gave me the push I needed to get professional help after they couldn’t watch me suffer from my anorexia anymore.
I wish more people understood that anorexia is a mental illness that is expressed physically. There are so many reasons why people develop anorexia or any eating disorder. This illness is not about vanity or selfishness.
The first clinician I ever had was amazing. Her name was Jo. Unfortunately though, due to issues in the public health system, I was soon moved to another clinician, then another, then another.
Finding something I wanted to recover for was always difficult because I just didn’t care about anything as much as protecting my eating disorder. I had always been very active, so when I could no longer participate in any physical activity I really struggled. Visual arts played a big role in keeping me going during this time.
Although I do feel that the most difficult days are behind me, I am still in therapy which is mainly focused on my anorexia recovery. It’s difficult to always do what is best for myself, but I’m learning that my happiness really is the most important thing in my life.
Something I have learnt that I am truly stronger than I ever knew that I was. I am proud that I survived the days that I was certain I wouldn’t. I have formed incredibly meaningful friendships, become closer with my family, and feel I have a strong sense of identity and direction.
I am very lucky to have a private clinical psychologist who has really helped me. I think that talking to friends and family about how I feel and what I need is so important. Listening to podcasts and following genuinely helpful Instagram pages about recovery has also been helpful (I am very careful about which recovery pages I choose to follow).
If I could share a piece of advice to anyone struggling, I’d say talk to people and be as open and honest about everything as you can be. Remind yourself constantly of what you are fighting for and hold yourself accountable instead of relying on other people. No matter what, the sun will rise tomorrow. This too shall pass.
Now, I have achieved my Bachelor's Degree in Architecture and am currently working on my Master’s degree! I have started playing football again which I had played my whole life until I got sick, and I’ve started running again. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of these things if I didn’t choose recovery. I’m looking forward to travelling, finding a partner, and having the energy to go on spontaneous adventures!
I am a privileged person who comes from a close, loving, big family. I am a white, straight, cis female and I have always had good friends. I have always been quite a high achiever, as has everyone in my family. Mental illness does not discriminate. Your struggles are valid, get the help you need and deserve.
-Tessa
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