*Thank you to Donna of Kia Maia for allowing us to share this piece. You can see more of her content here and her website here.*
Boundaries are the invisible force fields that safeguard our mental and emotional well-being and protect our inner space.
We learn about boundaries from the moment we enter this world as we navigate personal and social interactions. Our parents might teach us to respect others’ belongings and help us to understand our limits, but we are also taught to be people pleasers, to share and help others, and to be kind and giving.
Boundaries are not barriers: they’re bridges to self-respect and authenticity. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean rejection; it’s a declaration of self-worth, a bold statement of your right to prioritise your well-being above all else. Every ‘no’ you muster is a victory for your mental health, a tiny rebellion against the forces of obligation and guilt. It’s giving yourself a big chunky ‘yes.’
Learning to use boundaries is an ongoing journey, with trial and error, discomfort, and growth. It’s about finding the delicate balance, between honouring our own needs and respecting the needs of others. It’s about recognising that setting boundaries is not selfish, it’s an act of self-preservation. They’re the gentle ‘no’ that conserves our time and energy, the firm, ‘This far and no further’ that defends our values and priorities, so let’s celebrate what they are. Let’s use them not as walls to keep others out but as bridges to deeper connections and healthier relationships.
We only have so much energy to give in a day, so we need to be strategic about where we put it. What can we control? Pretty much any sentence that starts with ‘my.’ My choices, my actions, my responses, my words, my thoughts, my boundaries. That might be a social media or digital boundary letting people know when you will be available. It might be turning a ring on your finger three times before responding to a request, so you have time to process, or as simple as setting yourself a time to go to sleep. Believe in yourself and practice the gentle ‘no.’
-Donna
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