Past Pain, Present Problems

Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of trauma.

Some memories become thickly ingrained in us as children that when we get older our perception of reality vs our misconception of events can play out very differently. Even the memories we retell can stray so far from reality… 

Celebrating birthdays in our household is a big thing for me in my family. I choose to make a fuss for every single person in our house. Every year, it's a big deal due to not having had that as a child. Lack of recognition and celebration for my own birthday growing up meant I had some past pains to deal with.

This year, we celebrated a milestone for our eldest. And it wasn't until the end of a two-day stint of celebrating her that I found myself tired, emotional, unappreciated, unheard, unseen, and feeling unloved and so far from feeling worthy.

In my tears and frustration of organizing everything and splurging on her every desire, I found myself undone due to one comment made by another child.

This one comment triggered every fear, every worry, and everything I tried so hard to work and make up for. I tried to hide my unresolved past pain that I felt as a child, therefore shattering all my efforts. I found myself back in a space of dealing with heavy dark mental health problems AGAIN that ends up crippling me from wanting to get out of bed.

Past pain can become present problems when we chose to ignore them as issues. Regardless of where we find ourselves in life, whether it's parenting or in relationships or work or insert whatever season you find yourself in, you too will become a victim to the past pain projecting into present problems if unresolved.

My piece of hope is don't be afraid to face those pains, resist the urge to ignore and cover. The truth is said to set you free, however, it does mean sometimes our pride and pain will need to be swallowed like a pill and sometimes that’s a process.

We are all far from the perfect standard, remember that when, like me, you find yourself triggered by someone else's comment. YOU have the power to change how you choose to react to that and remember to fight for your own mental well-being by listening and giving yourself permission to take time to recover after addressing the pain/issue. Don't linger too long, you have a community of people who need you in their lives, you have purpose, you are worthy, and your feelings do matter.

Rest. Reflect. Reset.

You, dear friend, have many more battles to be won, let's yield our weapons of sharing our truth to help each other overcome and conquer.

You are worthy.

Mauri ora.

-Mary T

Voices of Hope wants you to know that you do not have to do this alone. Click here to 'find help' - it's not weak to speak!

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