Something that has struck me recently is how I always believe that scary means bad. I have been facing a lot of fear-inducing situations: I need an operation, I need to attend hospital appointments prior to this, I have a hearing test coming up, and I’m moving into my new flat nine days into surgery recovery. As someone who does not do well with anything medical, this is huge. Growing up, if we drove past a hospital, I’d feel my body tense up; a knot would form in my stomach and my chest would feel tight. Knowing I’m not just driving past one, but actually being admitted for tests and surgery is one of Little-Lauren’s worst fears coming true. And as an adult, this is still very much the case.
I am scared, but what I have realised is this:
- The tests they’ll run are to make sure I’ll be safe and to prevent any issues. That’s a good thing.
- The surgery will fix the issue long-term – I won’t be in pain and I’ll feel better. That’s a good thing.
- The hearing test is just routine – they’ll have a current record. That’s a good thing.
- I’m moving into a safer, warmer flat. That is a good thing.
These situations involve elements of change, the trusting of strangers and a lot of uncertainty… It’s no wonder I feel scared and worried. They’re big events that are unfamiliar and my brain is telling me they aren’t safe because of this. It perceives them as ‘bad.’ The reality is if I don’t have the tests, then the surgery could be unsafe. If I don’t have the surgery, I’ll feel worse. If I don’t monitor my hearing, I won’t benefit from my hearing aids as well. If I didn’t move into a new flat, I’d be unwell, cold and I don’t fancy spending another winter in the place I was!
What I’m getting at here is that the outcomes of going through with the scary situations are good. They’re better than the outcomes I could have if I avoid the situations I’m fearful of. So, whilst I’m allowing myself to feel scared, I’m going to do my best to not let that stop me from navigating each of these because scary doesn’t always mean bad. And it’s important to remember that.
-Lauren
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