*Thank you to Donna of Kia Maia for allowing us to share this piece. You can see more of her content here and her website here.*
Imagine having mental health issues as being like a trip to a carnival. On the outside, it looks like it’s all fun rides, cotton candy, and clowns - who aren’t terrifying at all. And just like a carnival clown’s makeup, people with mental health struggles often wear a mask to get through the day. This mask helps us fulfil our role and pretend that everything is just dandy, even if on the inside, it feels more like riding a roller coaster operated by an overly caffeinated monkey.
When out in public, we wear this mask to convince everyone that we’re fine. It’s like dressing up for a costume party where everyone else is a zombie or a superhero, and we are just trying to be a ‘normal person.’ Laughing, smiling, engaging in small talk about the weather, and nobody suspects the internal battle between the brain and the out-of-control carousel that is the racing thoughts.
But let’s detour from the merry-go-round and head into the haunted house. Ah yes, the delightful part of the carnival that’s supposed to be thrilling but ends with us feeling like we have had a mild heart attack and run a marathon. This is where the true feelings reside – the fear, the sadness, the stress. It’s like having a haunted house inside our brain, complete with creaky doors, creepy dolls, and that one scary clown who jumps out just when we think we’re safe. Exit stage left, time to go home, the workday is over.
We get home to a safe space, finally taking off that mask. We flop onto the couch searching for comfort, binge-watch a series, or eat an entire tub of ice cream without worrying about being judged. This is where the real us comes out, the one who doesn’t have to keep up appearances. It’s like taking off the itchy superhero costume after a long day of pretending to save the world and finally being able to relax in your PJs.
Now, why do we hide behind this ‘normal’ mask? The primary reason is fear. Fear that if people knew what was really going on in our heads, they’d judge us. Nobody wants to be the person at the office who’s known as the ‘circus freak,’ ‘the one with issues.’ We’re worried that revealing our struggles might lead to awkward conversations, loss of friendships, or even job loss. After all, it’s hard enough to get a promotion without adding ‘frequently cries in the supply closet’ to your resume.
The fear of judgment is real because mental health stigma is still a thing, and it is wrong and it is unhelpful. Society often expects us to be perfect little performers. Admitting that we are struggling can feel like telling everyone we forgot how to eat. Plus, there’s the worry that people might start treating us differently, like we are fragile or unreliable. And nobody wants to be the office ‘project’ who’s treated like the bearded lady with two heads. We want to be treated like everyone else.
Another reason we keep the mask on is that mental health issues can be invisible to the naked eye. People are so busy watching the smoke and mirrors they can’t see behind the mask. They assume we’re fine because we’re functioning – showing up to work, laughing at jokes, not sobbing uncontrollably in public (most of the time). The mask can delay getting the help we need because nobody knows we need it.
Ironically, the mask can also prevent us from seeking help. If nobody knows there’s a problem, nobody can offer support. It’s like being stationary in a bumper car waiting to be slammed into but telling everyone, “I will be safe just sitting here.” If we let the mask slip, we might get the assistance and understanding we need sooner. Friends, family, and colleagues might offer a lifeline instead of assuming we’re doing just fine.
Sometimes, we even fool ourselves with this mask. Denial is a powerful tool. Admitting there’s a problem means confronting it, which can be scarier than any haunted house. It’s easier to pretend everything’s okay and hope that, by some miracle, it will be. Plus, understanding our own mental health can be confusing. It’s like trying to navigate a funhouse with warped mirrors and floors that tilt – everything feels distorted and disorienting.
So, remember that it’s okay to take the mask off and to ask for help – even if it feels like admitting we’re scared of clowns. Because, let’s face it, clowns are terrifying.
-Donna
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