Switch the Focus

“Was I too much?”

“Should I have said that?”

“Are they angry at me?”

Doubt after doubt tumbled through my brain as I tried to grasp one coherent thought from the deluge of delusion.

“Why am I this way?”

“Why is my brain so loud?”

“Am I a disappointment?”

Insult after insult ricocheted around as I longed for a time before this internalised hatred overtook me.

“Am I alone?”

“Am I worthy?”

“Am I enough?”

While doubt subsided and insults faded, these three questions remained. At my highest highs and lowest lows, these three questions consumed me.

“Am I alone?”

When in a room full of people, a group full of ‘friends’ will I ever be truly known? Will I ever feel deeply understood?

Am I worthy?

Will there always be those people around me… Those who, despite my endless efforts, will always wish I was more than I am

“Am I enough?”

Will others’ opinions always dictate whether life is easy or rough? Will I always be afraid to let people down?

You see, I felt so afraid for so long. It seemed that the trajectory of my life depended solely on my ability to be liked, accepted, praised. I sought comfort in the approval of others, yet found myself still filled with so much doubt. When no one was around, who was I? And where was I going? In my attempts to find purpose in my likeability, I discovered something much deeper. The more I depended on the presence of others, the more alone I felt. The more I tried to live up to their expectations, the less worthy I felt. The more decisions I made to please them, the more I felt like I would never measure up. These doubts, insults and questions that were filling my mind, had gotten me nowhere good. It was time I switched the focus.

“Am I alone?”

When I lay in my bed at night, is my own company enough to fulfil me?

“Am I worthy?”

When I achieve something great or small, am I my biggest supporter?

“Am I enough?”

When push comes to shove, am I proud of myself?

Do yourself a favour and re-look at the questions you are asking yourself. Put yourself back at the centre of your story and see your story flourish.


Voices of Hope wants you to know that you do not have to do this alone. Click here to 'find help' - it's not weak to speak!

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