If there’s one thing I learned last year, it was that in order to take back control, I needed to let go. Let me explain what I mean –
This past year I faced some pretty big situations – ones that pushed me beyond my comfort zone. Naturally, this felt very scary to me. Perhaps you have found yourself in some tough situations too and were worried about the outcome, people’s reactions, your own capability. I used to try so desperately to regain control over situations where this was lost – for instance, when I was poorly and needed hospital intervention, I threw myself into my work, partly as a distraction. This isn’t to say distraction is unhealthy, but it did mean I ignored the true extent of how poorly I was and didn’t give myself time to process this. I tried to control the uncontrollable through distraction and minimising the situation – it made it less scary. However, looking back, this probably wasn’t the most helpful decision. I had a form of fake control as a coping method.
I would try to take a different route now – one where I’d still feel scared but for me, would also feel less suffocating. Rather than focus on not acknowledging what was happening and controlling everything else around me, I’d ‘let go’ and accept the situation: I’m poorly and need surgery. And instead of bottling up my emotions by ignoring them and focusing on task-related activities, I’d allow myself to feel the fear, the sadness, the anger – whatever emotions that come from this.
This doesn’t necessarily mean I’m okay with the situation if I accept that it’s happening – I think anyone would be sad/scared/worried. It just means it’s okay to feel all the emotions around it. Acceptance, for me, means I’d acknowledge and be present with my thoughts more, knowing that my thoughts are like stories – they are there to guide and protect me – and I get to choose what I listen to from the information they provide. I think by letting go, I’d accept more and feel more in control. This would have helped me to deal with my situation in a healthier manner.
I’m trying to take this into 2025 – validating how I feel and accepting all emotions that come with the situations I find myself in. The human experience is an array of feelings after all – happiness and joy, fear and sadness, anger and jealousy – and we have to get to know them all. This is very much a process though, especially when it is new. I find myself having to make conscious decisions and choices as to how I approach certain situations which is natural. I have found that journalling has really helped me to name and notice my emotions and get to know them: how do they show up in my body? In what situations did they appear? I’d highly recommend this as a first step if acknowledging your feelings is difficult – it helped me a lot.
-Lauren
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