Sometimes, our bodies remember things our brains have locked away. Sometimes, we know we’re remembering something, but can’t quite bring the full memory to the forefront of our mind. This can sometimes lead to what’s known as the anniversary effect, something that we may not be consciously aware of, but our bodies and subconscious definitely are.
This September marks 20 years since a a traumatic event for me. I was very young at the time, so I don’t necessarily have vivid memories of it, but since the 1st of September, I’ve been experiencing a flare in my cPTSD symptoms. I think it’s the change in temperature, the deeply ingrained trauma memories, and the changes that spring (here in Aotearoa) brings. It’s definitely been a bit of a challenge, having more nightmares, feeling exhausted, flashbacks, feeling generally very anxious, and more - yay… Despite this, I’m grateful to be at a point in my healing journey that I know these feelings won’t last forever. It’d just be nice if things could be a bit quicker!
If you’ve experienced a traumatic event and certain times of the year trigger feelings or thoughts for you, know you’re not alone. It can feel scary and disorientating, but know that this storm WILL pass. In the meantime, practise self-care and self-compassion. Don’t berate yourself and your body for feeling this way. It’s your brain trying to protect you from a time when you were surviving, and it doesn’t want you to go through that again.
Remember that the anniversary effect means that you survived. It might be a challenging symptom of trauma, but it means that you got through your trauma and that’s something to be so proud of. Look back on how fiercely you have fought and acknowledge how much strength you possess. That’s something to celebrate. For now, look after yourself and be kind to yourself.
-Claudia
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