Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of death.
Grief is such a small word for what it is. Too small for one of the most excruciatingly painful things to go through and having the ability to change someone. Swept under the rug, often forgotten and never talked about. The different branches that form from it.
The loss of one passing away; there are few people in life you really deeply grieve for when the time comes. Grieving for people more than others based on your relationship. Looking at the people in life thinking you will really grieve for them when the time comes, but when it does, you don’t grieve as much as for someone else. It doesn’t matter the why. The guilt stage of grief becomes so strong as you think of the should haves, could haves, and would haves. “Why would you grieve more over a pet who has passed away than your own family member?” It's not a matter of who you loved more, you know you loved them both. The why doesn’t matter. The internal monologue that you loved them will eventually quieten the guilt and the ‘why grieve one more than the other’ monologue.
The grief of losing someone without them passing away can really shred you to pieces as you question the why. Why did they choose to leave? Knowing you’re better off without them, but having the deep aching to see their name come up on a notification and wanting back what you used to do together. The wanting to reach out and ask why. Letting go can be the most painful part. Trying to convince yourself better relationships will come along and be even stronger than the one just lost can feel impossible. Once they do though, the healing can begin.
The grief of a path being followed coming to an unexpected end is always forgotten but sometimes the most traumatic. The upheaval and carnage of it is a specific path you were following to get further in life. The feeling of being lost and being in the dark now, not knowing where you are going. Walking through debris from your world crashing down around you. It’s truly scary trying to find the desired path again. Although you may have some injuries, the thing about getting lost is, eventually you find the way back to where you are meant to be if you just keep walking. As the debris clears, it will get lighter and the path will become more clear.
-Katie
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