Truly Living

Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of suicide and suicidal ideation. 

As a child, I thought surviving meant to simply live a little longer. That God gave you the chance to clear up your mistakes - mistakes? Yes, as a child, I thought it was my fault that I felt so incredibly bad. 

At the age of 8, I was, for the first time, pretty sure that I didn't want to live. That I can't do it any longer. At 12, I had my first attempt. I had developed many mental illnesses and felt so incredibly hopeless that no words could describe it. At 17, I knew something was wrong. I knew that wasn’t how life should be. I was surviving. Not surviving like, “Yeah I just live a little longer." No. I was surviving while I was fighting for my life, every single day. Every single minute. 

Now I am 19. I survived! Not just like, “Oh yeah, I’m continuing to live a little longer." No, it's so much more. I will graduate in two months, I have the chance to write my exams now - which was unbelievable some months ago. I won my love for food back, and I could go outside without being afraid. I started truly living. 

Surviving means so much more than just living a bit longer. It's about the opportunity and the chance to love life. It's about being able to recover and enjoy the little things. To do the things you love, no matter if it's bungee jumping, going on vacation or just choosing to take time for yourself. It's about healing. Surviving is much more than you probably think. I survived. And you can too!! Please stay, this world needs you, even if it's hard to believe… I promise you - it does! 

I promise that every time life gets dark and heavy, there will always be a light somewhere waiting for you!

I just wanted to say thank you! Thank you for still being part of this world. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for giving me the chance to heal together with you! Thank you!


Voices of Hope wants you to know that you do not have to do this alone. Click here to 'find help' - it's not weak to speak!

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