Dear friend,

Growing up, my emotions were intense, my decisions impulsive, my sense of emptiness was crushing. I had a chaotic childhood, and my emotions matched it. I suffered from extreme highs and lows – doing things in both states that I didn’t feel like was the true me. Along with this, came shame. I was convinced that I was just being dramatic, and it wasn’t real because ‘normal’ people didn’t act like this. I’d ask myself, Why am I like this?

In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For the first time, the chaos in my mind had a name. It was validating to know my struggles weren’t imagined and I was relieved to know there were others who experienced the world the same as I do. However, as I learnt more, I noticed there was a stigma around the disorder. I often wondered, even as young as 10 years old, if I was a good person – this stigma almost solidified this thought in my head. One year, I had an opportunity to step away from the chaos that riddled my childhood - but as soon as there was a quiet moment, depression left me unable to function. My room, just as the rest of my life at the time, became a reflection of my mind—messy, chaotic, and suffocating. I felt completely lost. But one day, my family stepped in. My mum and siblings cleaned my room for me, creating a space where I could breathe again. It was a small act in the scheme of things but had a massive impact. I was reminded that I wasn’t alone, that I was deeply loved. I was able to pick myself up from here and go back to therapy and take steps to heal.

One of the silver linings of my mental health journey has been the courage to use my voice. I treat my diagnosis as a superpower – I can feel things so deeply with BPD, so I have been able to take a lot of my hurt and use it to try make a change. Losing my dad to suicide recently was a devastating reminder of the stigma surrounding mental health in Pasifika communities, and it gave me a purpose: to speak out for those who aren’t ready to yet. This purpose has shaped my life, from researching mental health in Samoa to co-founding an organization named Tapasā that empowers Pacific youth to embrace their cultural identities to uplift their wellbeing. 

Borderline Personality Disorder is part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. It’s taught me resilience, self-awareness, and the strength to turn pain into purpose.

To anyone struggling: you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your worth isn’t defined by how “together” you seem. Take small steps forward, and don’t be afraid to lean on those who love you. Healing is a hard journey, but the destination is worth it.

Love always,
Kayla xo